Utroskab

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Få hjælp til utroskab

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Utroskab kan defineres som er et følelsesmæssigt nært forhold til en anden end partneren

En af de mest almindelige grunde til at utroskab opstå, er at parforholdet ikke er trygt nok for den utro til at sætte ord på, hvad han/hun har emotionelt brug for i forholdet og derfor går et andet sted hen og får dækket sine behov, som ofte er af følelsesmæssig karakter men også fysisk.

Så helt basalt er utroskab en måde at få det, vi savner og længes efter i parforhold, men da parforholdet opleves utrygt, søges behovet dækket uden for forholdet.

Utroskab og individuelle behov

Utroskab handler om det individuelle behov og ikke nødvendigvis om det du ikke giver din partner i jeres forhold. Men ofte kender du ikke din partners behov hvilket ikke giver dig mulighed for at give, eller tage stilling til om du kunne tilbyde det din partner har behov for.

Vi har alle et individuelt behov for at mærke at vi er elskede og værdsæt af vores partner. Vi har brug for at blive bekræftet på en sådan måde at vi oplever og føler vi blive set, hørt og mærket som mig med mine behov i vores samliv.  Ofte er det sådan i et parforhold at den ene part har brug for mere eller mindre end sin partner, men vi kommer let til at tage udgangspunkt i vores egne behov. Vi glemmer at vi er 2 unikke mennesker med hver vores behov samt at vores partner ikke kan dække vores behov hvis vi ikke siger det klart og tydeligt.

Når vores individuelle behov og drømme ikke bliver udtalt overlader vi til vores partner at gætte sig til hvad behovet er. Hvilket ofte er en umulig og håbløs opgave at løse.Derfor søges behovet nu dækket af en anden end parterne og utroskab er opstået.

Kærligheden og tilliden kan genoprettes efter utroskab

Det kort svar er JA, hvis I vil hinanden og lære at sætte ord på jeres følelsesmæssige behov samt tør sige hvor jeres egne grænse er for hvad du vil bidrage med i jeres parforhold lige nu og her. 

Utroskab kan følelsesmæssig sidestilles med et chok for den krænkede part. Reaktionerne på chok kan være alt fra vredesudbrud men kan også komme til udtryk med isnende tavshed. Begge reaktioner bidrager ikke til at finde sammen i ’sorgen’ men til at presse hinanden længere væk og dermed skabe en endnu større afstand mellem jer. Derfor har i brug for en dygtig parterapeut der kan støtte jer i at reparere trygheden mellem jer, men også til at afkode de reaktioner der ligger bagved sorgen som begge parter ofte vil føle.

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Utroskab handler om at åbne sig for sin partner, og skabe fælles forståelse

Ofte handler utroskab om en længsel efter, at partneren ser det i os, som vi savner i parforholdet og har brug for at komme i kontakt med. Utroskab handler sjældent om sex. De fleste af os søger i parforholdet kærlighed, nærvær og tillid, da det bidrager til at vi kan føle os sikre på hinanden. Vi har alle brug for tryghed i et vist omfang for at kunne opleve parforholdet som en sikker base.

Parterapi kan hjælpe jer med at få sat ord på jeres individuelle behov men også at få sagt hvor jeres grænsesætning er overfor hinanden. I skal have lavet en ’rammeaftale’ som består af jeres gensidige og individuelle følelsesmæssige forventninger I har til hinanden.

At tilgive hinanden er fundamentet i genoprettelsen af jeres kærlighed og platform for at I får sat ord på jeres individuelle behov samt hvad I ønsker af hinanden. Udover at arbejde mod forståelse og accept vil vi arbejde med nysgerrighed på hvem hinanden er, fastlåste mønstre og eget selvbillede.

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Libratum er latin og betyder At balancere.

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